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Review: Duets – It Takes Two (Again)

Nicole Piering — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 14:48:59 +0000

Ladies and gentleman, it’s time to du-et again!

Our trusty host Quinoa is back to remind us how this show works. Except no one knows. What we do know is that a quartet of super talented ”superstars” (Kelly Clarkson, John Legend, Jennifer Nettles & Robin Thicke) chose a bunch of moderately talented amateurs to sing with. The stars then score the performances on their mysterious judging tablets of doom and their partners’ faces appear on a Family Feud-esque leader board. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s start the show.

First up are Kelly Clarkson & Robin Thicke with a duet of the Michael Jackson/Jackson 5 track, “State of Shock.” Not gonna lie, this performance has me in a state of shock. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that John & Jennifer were left out, or if its Robin’s sleeveless V-neck and surprisingly lovely biceps, or the fact that lyrics to this song include the words “catatonic” and “supersonic”, but Krobin are getting a little too freaky for ABC. Seriously, Reba would not approve of this…and I think I’ve been impregnated through my television.

After a quick recap of last week that left Team Kelly at the bottom of the scoreboard and Team Jennifer’s J. Rome at the top, we’re ready to get to the “classic” duets.

John Legend and Bridget Carrington take the stage first, covering the George Michael & Aretha Franklin hit “I Knew You Were Waiting.” The only thing I remember about this girl from last week is her penchant for ginormous hoop earrings. The only thing I remember after this performance is that Robin Thicke says she looks like Skittles…and she still wears giant hoop earrings. She’s the only person who sang so far so she’s in first place.

Next, we head to rehearsals with KC and the J’s (Jordan & Jason), who aren’t too happy about being in 7th & 8th place. Jordan and her pink hair are up first with the Steven Tyler/Pink duet “Misery.” I’ve never heard the song before but for obvious reasons, I’m going to assume that Jordan is taking on the role of Pink this evening. The performance is a clear improvement over last week and shows more of Jordan’s soulfully gritty voice. For now, she nabs second place.

Jennifer and (the-robbed-of-first-place-last week) John Glosson are up next with “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” and it has a very strong Rascal-Flatts-meets-Sugarland vibe. John may be one of the only amateurs on this show who can truly go note for note with his mentor, and this performance proves his vocal prowess once again. The performance isn’t flawless, as some of his motions are rather distracting. Also distracting: Jennifer’s bedazzled space creature getup and the spinning giant record on stage that’s trying to hypnotize us into believing we actually like this show.

Robin Thicke and Olivia Chisholm are going to sing “Where is the Love?” and I’m expecting the Black-Eyed Peas. Instead, we get Olivia complaining that she can’t remember the lyrics when there are few actual words other than “where is the love.” Yikes, this performance is painful, and there is no love on that stage. Perhaps Robin hid it in the hideous shirt he clearly stole from the set of “Growing Pains.”

Next up is the alarmingly aloof John Legend, whose partner Johnny Gray is now as mysteriously MIA as Kelly and Jessie were during “Saved By the Bell’s” Tori episodes. He holds open auditions and narrows his new contestants down to a guy named Mario, who appears to be a Hispanic version of John Glosson, and a girl who resembles Lilo (minus Stitch, unfortunately). Ultimately he chooses Ohana and goes with Meleana Brown. The aloof one and his lovely lips hide behind the piano while his sparkly new partner riffs the heck out of “Endless Love.” The song choice is an ironic one, since Legend jumped in as a last-minute replacement for Lionel Richie. I can’t help but miss Lionel…except for the fact that John has nicer lips. Robin Thicke compares this performance to a sandwich, while Kelly and Jennifer’s comments are simply a twang-off to see who has a thicker country accent. All sandwiches aside, Lilo steals first place!

Kelly and last week’s lowest scorer, Jason, are up next, duetting on Mariah Carey & Brian McKnight’s “Whenever You Call.” With all the publicity that Kelly’s “new” body is getting lately, I’m just wondering why she didn’t change out of that unfortunate & unflattering dress. Jason has a great tone to his voice, and completely shines on the bridge of the song. His biggest weakness on this show is also his biggest strength, and that’s the mere fact that he’s tasked with performing with Kelly Clarkson’s golden vocal chords each week. He’s the most adorable and likable contestant of the group, and I have a feeling that if he makes it to the live shows, he’ll easily be grabbing America’s votes.

Last week’s top scorer, J. Rome , is up next, performing “You’re the One that I Want” from Grease with Jennifer Nettles. Although I feel like this performance is more suited for Robin Thicke’s hair and hip-thrusting, Jennifer and J. Rome are convincing as a sort of unconventional Danny & Sandy. With J. Rome rocking his varsity jacket and Jennifer dressed like some sparkly version of Ursula from “The Little Mermaid”, this performance is cheesier than the dairy aisle at Whole Foods, but it works in a weird way. While J. Rome is a far cry from my usual country-boy cowboy crushes, I have a huge crush on his swagger (but not his birth mark.) J. Rome ties Lilo for first place and it’s safe to say that we have our clear front-runner.

Last up is Alexis Foster, whose performance I couldn’t stand last week. This week, she awkwardly holds her microphone like an ice cream cone and forgets to wear pants while singing “You’re All I Need to Get By,” (Fun fact, Kelly Clarkson sang this on the first live show of American Idol before Simon even liked her). The human version of Jimmy Neutron, Robin, is on his third outfit of the night (a silky white blazer that makes him look like a creepy ice cream man), and he has a distracting gold microphone. He also has the weakest and most unlikable team, but somehow Alexis and her no-pants-dance rank in 6th place.

Quidditch reminds us that our first amateur will get the boot at the end of next week with 2 of them facing off in something mysterious and ominous called the “Duets Showdown.” Then, somewhere in the future where Jennifer Nettles’s space vests are considered normal, America will get to vote. Huh? This show has the worst voting system since Florida in the 2000 Presidential Election.

With that said, we love the cheese…Bring on Episode 3 and the ominous Duets Showdown!

Review: Duets Four-Star Premiere

Nicole Piering — Fri, 25 May 2012 18:01:45 +0000

Although some of the show’s details were as well-guarded as Fort Knox (uh, insanely complicated judging system, I’m looking at you), ABC has been hyping its new singing competition “Duets” for weeks. By combining the superstar power of Kelly Clarkson, John Legend, Jennifer Nettles (of Sugarland) and Robin Thicke, ABC was attempting to create the musical equivalent of Captain Planet’s Planeteers. With each superstar wearing their unique “ring,” they have the potential to combine to form a musical super force, evidenced by the show’s opening number of “Let Me Entertain You.” Clarkson brings a powerhouse voice and a uniquely unaffected charm, while Robin Thicke is the perfect combination of smug and sexy. Jennifer Nettles seems like the ideal next-door neighbor with her twangy drawl, but she’s a force to be reckoned with on stage, and John Legend mellows out the panel with his cool charm and smooth vocals.

The show quickly launched into the live music, focusing only a bit of time on the audition process, which seemed to be random and at the superstars’ discretion. Team Jennifer hit the stage first and although we may have snarked a bit over her partner J. Rome’s cheesy photo on ABC’s website, the New Jersey native proves to be a vocal powerhouse, shining alongside Nettles on the Sugarland song “Tonight.” The audience and the judges love it (a common theme of the evening) and the show is off with a bang. We’re only one performance in and I’m already convinced that ABC picked the perfect ambassador to make country music shine on this show with Jennifer Nettles.

The smooth stylings of the Johns-squared were up next with John Legend and his amateur partner Johnny Gray taking on Legend’s “Ordinary People.” It’s cool and confident, and Kelly finds him sexy (another common theme of the evening). Robin Thicke and his partner, that unfortunate hairdo…erm, Olivia Chisholm, continue the smooth and sexy theme with “Lost Without You,” and it’s okay enough, but a bit boring.

Kelly Clarkson and the adorably emotional Jason Farol take the stage next, after an awesome audition that involved performing at a sold-out Clarkson concert in San Diego, to perform “Breaking Your Own Heart.” With a theme of greatest hits, I can’t help but wonder why Kelly and this Jason didn’t tackle “Don’t You Wanna Stay” instead. Perhaps he felt funny rocking Aldean’s typical tight pants and over-sized cowboy hat? Farol is clearly nervous but his voice blends well with Clarkson, who seems to serve as more a backup singer than duet partner. While we admire her restraint, we couldn’t help but miss her trademark wail. Farol hops into fourth place.

Round 2 begins with John Legend choosing Bridget Carrington, and I’m personally relieved that he didn’t choose the Shirley Temple lookalike who loves Farmville and pandas. Although I’d have killed for a duet of “On the Good Ship Lollipop” after that awkward audition, the pair choose “Tonight (Best You Ever Had)” and it’s one of the finer vocal moments of the evening. It makes the judges all want to make out…and I’m uncomfortable.

Team Jennifer is up next, and Nettles finds her endearing bespectacled teddy bear of a duet partner, John Glosson, in her own backyard, pointing out that he sings at her “Nanny’s” church. Although the prospect of “Stay” as a duet made me nervous initially, those fears were immediately calmed when the duo began singing. Amen, praise Jesus, THIS is the performance I was waiting for. The two take it to church, Clarkson cries and calls Glosson an angel, and America gasps in shock as he only pulls a score strong enough for third place.

Hoping Jennifer’s holy inspiration will rub off, Robin and his Brandon Walsh-do find their next partner, Alexis Foster, in a gospel church. Frankly, I hate everything about his performance of “Magic” and have no idea how the heck it knocks Glosson out of 3rd place. Maybe someone should remind the judges that this isn’t golf and low scores are not a good thing.

Once again, Team Kelly closes the round, and although the show doesn’t flat out say it, it’s clear that they’re using her star power to keep the show afloat. Compare the length of her audition segments to anyone else’s and you’ll see what I mean. Clarkson chooses super fan, Jordan Meredith, with her unfortunate hair and killer voice, as her duet partner. I can’t help but wonder if she was trying to “pull a Reba” and take a fan under her proverbial wing. (We all know how well that Reba-relationship worked out for Clarkson…) The duet livens up the show and although the task is a lofty one, Jordan manages to hold her own alongside Kelly. Yet, she somehow winds up in 7th place, just ahead of teammate Jason Farol. Kelly is visibly annoyed with the results, and I can’t help but wonder if the other judges may have had it out for the original American Idol.

Pimping the show out as the only singing competition where the judges actually compete was accurate, but I can’t help but wonder how much competition was on the stage and how much was occurring as they keyed in their mysterious scores on their fancy shmancy judging tablets of doom. The judging system definitely needs tweaking (I vote Dancing-With-the-Stars-esque paddles) and more well-known songs to increase the appeal (No more Robin Thicke songs, please), but despite the kinks in the premiere episode, I can’t wait to tune in again next week.

And although I previously had my money on Clarkson taking the whole thing, Team Jennifer is clearly the dark horse here.

Final standings were: 1) J Rome; 2) Johnny Gray; 3) Alexis Foster; 4) John Glosson; 5) Olivia Chisholm; 6) Bridget Carrington; 7) Jordan Meredith; 8) Jason Farol