Review: Duets – Episode 7: And Then There Were Three

Although I was sad to miss and recap last week’s episode, I was frolicking around Disney World and was constantly haunted by this show. Promotional posters are on Disney buses and in Hollywood Studios, and I may or may not have been photographed with one. I also rocked some awesome 3D glasses and took in “MuppetVision 3D,” which only served to prove that yes, John Legend and Fozzie Bear are one-in-the-same, except the Muppet has more personality.

Based on the recap at the beginning of tonight’s episode, it seems I didn’t miss much last week except for Olivia (finally) getting the boot and Kelly Clarkson wearing a boot. Apparently the amateurs took on standards, or songs no one wants to hear anywhere but an elevator. I yawn just thinking about it.

We’re kicking off this week’s show with a performance from our superstars, singing “Get Ready” by the Temptations. I had no idea that lyrics of this song included “So twiddle dee-dee, twiddle dee-dum.” I guess you learn something new every day. Fozzie is dressed like Fonzie and Jennifer Nettles is rocking quite the large fedora. Robin Thicke‘s hair looks even more ebullient than normal. Must be all that Porsche-crashing he’s been doing lately. Speaking of crashing, Kelly took quite the tumble in concert and is now being carried around by some hot male backup dancers due to a broken foot. Tough life.

The 3 J’s (John, Jason, J.Rome) and Bridget hit the stage to find out their fates. Having taken no lessons from Ryan Seacrest, our host Quesadilla spews out the results like the possessed girl from the Exorcist in that infamous pea-soup-vomit scene. John and Bridget are the bottom 2, and Bridget is eliminated. Apparently, she sang “Unforgettable” last week. Too bad she didn’t make it through this week to sing “Ironic.” Ultimately, to win this show, your name must start with a J.

J. Rome and Carmen San Diego are up first with “Breakeven” by The Script. Although it’s a decent performance, it’s far from J.Rome’s best. Considering that his musical wheelhouse seems to be soul and R&B, this pop-rock track makes little sense. Equally nonsensical: the metallic fringe on his vest. All of the judges praise J. Rome and blahblahblah, it’s obvious who the show’s producers wants to win.

Jason Farol and Kelly Clarkson are up next, taking on Jason’s choice “Me and Mrs. Jones” by Billy Paul, which saved Jason from elimination in a sing off a few weeks prior. They sound great together, but it’s hard to tell if it’s because of Jason or Kelly or the weird sparkly pendant she is wearing around her neck. Unfortunately, they choose to sit on stools while performing. Sue me, but I was hoping for some dance moves a la “the Sprain,” made famous by Screech and Lisa Turtle at The Max. Jennifer loved it, John didn’t and Robin wished it was naughtier. No surprises there.

The Jennifer Nettles show continues with John Glosson. They tackle “The Prayer” by Andrea Bocelli and Celine Dion, and thankfully, Jennifer has lost the fedora. Instead, she has become a country singer, singing Italian Opera. I suddenly feel like I’m in the backwoods of Alabama and my fourth-removed second cousin’s third wife is ordering Manicotti, yet pronouncing it “Monnagutt,” like a Sopranos cast member. Overall, they still sound great together, and I can imagine a CD from John being chock-full of these kinds of ballads that make old ladies (see: Claymates) swoon. When he extends himself into the up tempos, he comes off too cheesy a la Derrick on Full House singing “Yankee Doodle Dandy.”

Although this show is all about the duets, it’s time for some solo performances and J. Rome is up first with Stevie Wonder’s “Signed, Sealed, Delivered.” It’s slick and polished and cruise-shippy and everything you’d expect from him. He’s confident without coming off conceited, but it’s pretty clear that J. Rome thinks he’s got this competition signed, sealed and delivered. We shall see.

John Glosson continues his quest for domination of Adult and Christian Contemporary radio with “Bless the Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts. He may look like Graham Elliott from MasterChef, but he certainly pulls off a convincing Gary LeVox. In fact, he out rascals the Flatts with this performance, causing Jennifer to throw up her arms and proclaim that she “feels like a stage mom!”

Up last is Jason Farol with “Runaway Baby,” by Bruno Mars, and it’s nice to see him tackle a contemporary song. Although he is sometimes drowned out by the music, his swagger and stage presence have grown in leaps and bounds since this show began. He performs the song much like a runaway baby, jumping up on the audience and jogging around the judges.

We go to the superstars for some last comments. Robin was blown away by Jason, John loved Jason’s energy, but would choose to sign J. Rome to a record deal. Jennifer and Kelly both love everyone and are I’ll have whatever those two had before this show, and I’m also demanding that they duet next week.

It’s hard to believe that there’s only one week left, and although the prize for winning this show is even blurrier than the Lost Boys’ food during the food fight scene in “Hook,” someone is going to win something! J. Rome is the safe bet, but I’m putting my money on Jason Farol to take the (multicolored and randomly appearing) cake. He’s got the charm and appeal, the underdog story and Kelly Clarkson on his side. Although KC’s endorsement didn’t quite work for Ron Paul, I have a feeling Jason Farol may fare better with the American voters. Only time will tell!